Am-Dram - Keeping Terrorism Local

Our Man In The Know sang like a FREAKIN...

No.  No, he didn't.  He sang like, well, one of these... obviously :

 Ahem.

Flyte-Tipping will refrain from repeating too many details because, guys, we're talking am-dram committee meeting.  Hardcore.  It doesn't get any hardcorier.  If we divulged every last scrap of meaty minutae falling onto the ring-marked table of The Black Bull it's quite possible it would BLOW your tiny minds!

So, the main point of interest Our Man In The Know coughed and nudged in our direction:

While prima facie it appears our am-dram heroes have a community conscience unlike, wait for it, the local OPERA SOCIETY, they are in fact laying a plan of such superior cunning that you could suspect them of being behind the release of Abdulbasnet al-Megrahi.   Duns Volunteer Hall, on the brink of closure just a few short months ago, was given a reprieve by:

All the local community groups had banded together to show their united support for the venue.  However, the Operatic Society has recently succumbed to come-hither glances sent its way from the flirty new Berwickshire High School, which has been flaunting its stage, tiered seating and flashy dressing rooms like a whore with a basket of juicy oranges.  Totally seduced, their next production 'Cinderella' will take place at the BHS  in November, leaving Duns Volunteer Hall well and truly cuckolded.

Flyte-Tipping is THRILLED to learn that the am-dram group plans to use this heinous betrayal to their advantage!  This could be something Scaramanga would come up with!  We like to think the conversation in The Black Bull that night went something like this:

"So," said Scaramanga, steepling his fingers and looking into the middle distance towards the beer pumps.  "This Operatic Society.  What's the latest intel?"
Dwarf Minion flicked a pork scratching desultorily.  "They've got it.  The BHS.  We were down for it but somehow, well, they infiltrated before us."
An icy glint flickered then vanished in the depths of Scaramanga's shark-like eyes.  Lycra-Clad Lovely massaged his temples soothingly.
"No matter.  This could yet work to our advantage. Whether the new high school works well as a venue has yet to be tested." 
Dwarf Minion stamped his tiny foot.
"That stage should have been ours!  It was promised to us, we should have taken the glory!"  He noticed a tremor of Scaramanga's left eyebrow that signalled his displeasure.  "Forgive me, sir.  It's just that... the dressing room mirrors have lights around them!"
"And those lights will still be there when we assume stage domination.  Let Operation Pursued by a Bear commence!"
An excited murmur rippled around the table.  Man in White Coat tentatively raised a hand.
"What is it?" snapped Scaramanga.
Man in White Coat hesitated.  "Seconded," he said.
"Good," Scaramanga eased back into his chair.  "Let the Operatic Society be all-singing-and-dancing guinea-pigs.  With any luck the seats will collapse," he looked pointedly at Explosives Guy who hurriedly consulted his laptop. "And all the while our organisation can shake its head in disappointment on behalf of the trusty Volunteer Hall at the Operatic Society's cold-blooded betrayal."
"Genius," breathed Dwarf Minion in admiration.
Lycra-Clad Lovely cleared her throat alluringly.
"But Scaramanga, baby.  What if the seats at the BHS don't collapse like they're supposed to?"
Scaramanga allowed himself a small smile and bent forward to stroke the pub cat.
"Then, my dear, we shall know the venue to be solid and can plan our next production accordingly... Now, who's for a game of shove ha'penny?"

WOW! and WOW! again.  We knew am-dram could be cut-throat but this is:

pure, evil GENIUS!!!

For all your general knees-up requirements, Duns Volunteer Hall.